Is His Hobby Ruining Your Relationship?

Hobby Ruining Relationship

Different interests for each partner in a relationship are crucial for keeping and maintaining your individuality. It not only gives you a break and the freedom to express yourself, but it adds value to the relationship by keeping boredom at bay. For this reason, hobbies are an important part of rounding out your interests, feeling rejuvenated and adding variety to a relationship. However, like many things in life, too much of a good thing can actually become harmful. At what point does a hobby become an obsession, making it a possible deal breaker?

Starting a new hobby? Keep these tips in mind:

Don’t force your partner to “like” your hobby. It’s okay to have different interests. If you’re able to find a balance where you can both participate, awesome. If not, just be satisfied that your partner is willing to support your interest in something different.

Do your best to keep the hobby from interfering with your relationship. Balance is a crucial part of maintaining a long-term relationship. Problems occur when there is a shift in the balance. Make sure your time spent with your hobby isn’t overtaking the time you would normally be spending on your relationship and with your partner.

Participate in your partner’s hobbies once in a while as well. While you may not be particularly fond of the hobby, showing that you are willing to try it out from time to time to make them happy goes a long way. It shows you really are thinking of them and are willing to do things out of the norm to support them.

If you entered the relationship knowing about your partner’s obsession with a certain interest, you may have already come to terms with the issues surrounding it. Yet, for many couples, what may have started out as something that piqued their partner’s interest has now become a full-blown obsession. Your partner’s hobby doesn’t need to be a relationship-killer. It just depends on what type of fall-out has been created from their outside interest.

In many cases, it’s not the actual hobby that is the problem, but rather the loss of time spent together. If your partner starts willingly giving up time that was typically spent with you, it can feel like a personal slam. It’s easy to make the conclusion that they literally would rather spend time doing something else than being with you. While this may seem like it’s true, more often than not, your partner isn’t even thinking in an either/or mentality. They are just excited to do their thing and probably aren’t realizing the impact it’s making on the relationship. This is where you need to take a time out and sit down and talk with your partner about how you are feeling. This will create an opportunity for you both to figure out how to deal with this new imbalance. Typically, you’re going to find that you’ll have one of the following four options to choose from:

Just accept your partner and their hobbies.
If you’d rather spend your time loving your partner and not fighting over something that they may not even be involved with for much longer, it may just be better to take the high road. In this instance, you just let your partner have their hobby with no strings attached and appreciate them for who they are, good and bad.

Find middle ground.
The most common scenario involves finding some type of middle ground through compromise. Comprise works best when you know what type of outcome you want beforehand. For instance, do you need more alone time with your partner? Do you want to have more time for a date night? Is your partner’s hobby taking up too much space in your home? The more clear you are about what the issue with the hobby is, the easier it will be for you both to find a creative solution to the problem.

If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.
Your partner’s obsession may be an open invitation to a new hobby you can both share. Give yourself ample time to really evaluate and appreciate your partner’s interest. You may just find that you end up loving it just as much.

Develop your own hobby.
The void created by your partner’s interest may not be a negative relationship factor. It could be the perfect opportunity for you to work on curating your own outside interests. Have you wanted to learn anything new or take classes in something? This could be your chance to start checking off that list of “things I always wanted to do.”

A relationship is a careful balance of give and take. Anything new that creates a shift in this balance is bound to stir up some concern. It’s natural to feel like it’s nothing and that it will work itself out. However, it’s always best to talk about how you’re feeling and get a clear solution before it actually becomes a problem. This allows you to approach the topic from a calm viewpoint and come up with an open-minded solution.

Kiss & Tell! Has your partner’s hobby become a full-blown obsession? How are you both dealing with it? What hobbies do you both enjoy? Share your thoughts below!

Jennifer Good

About Jennifer Good

Chief Romantic and founder of Romance Wire and happily married for 19 years, Jennifer has been dishing out romantic and relationship advice for nearly all of those married years. Her advice and tips have been featured in countless magazines and websites including Ladie’s Home Journal, AOL Love channels, ThirdAge and much more.

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